im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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