omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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