Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
