lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
