you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
