The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
