he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
