A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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