the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
