I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
