im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
