My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
