You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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