Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
time to smoke my breakfast
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
