i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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