so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
