the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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