My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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