Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
