one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
