i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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