Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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