He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
