I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
