this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
