So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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