We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
