What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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