Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
