it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
