dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
