stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
