R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Randomize
