All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
