You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
