new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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