1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
