Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
