her vagina looked like bernie madoff
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
