She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
