he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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