You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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