literally had 100 drinks last night.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
