May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
