His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
