He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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