I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
