I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
