i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
