Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
