quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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