You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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