My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
