you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
