I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
