don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I didn't notice because vodka
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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