Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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