I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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