All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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