I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
