What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
