just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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