bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize