i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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