do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
