We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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