We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
