how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
