Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
