just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
