Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize