White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
