Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
