I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
