ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
