he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
