i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
