Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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