I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
